New research challenges the common belief that narcissistic partners are charming at first and then inevitably damage their relationships over time. Using longitudinal data, researchers followed over 5,000 couples for up to six years and published their findings in the Journal of Personality. The team, led by Gwendolyn Seidman, associate professor in Michigan State University’s psychology department, used questionnaires to assess two dimensions of narcissism: narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry.
Seidman and colleagues describe admiration as behaviors that puff the self up to impress others, while rivalry involves putting others down to show superiority. The main finding was that rivalry traits were consistently linked to lower relationship satisfaction for both partners. In contrast, admiration had no meaningful effect on either partner’s satisfaction. The researchers also reported that couples with a highly narcissistic partner did not experience a faster decline in satisfaction over time, and that traits showed no association with satisfaction in relationships of one year or less.
Seidman suggested several possible explanations, including a later turning point when satisfaction falls, an extended honeymoon period, or harms that affect partners’ self-esteem or agency without changing overall satisfaction scores. The authors say better knowledge of how personality shapes relationship experiences could help clinicians and other researchers understand why some relationships struggle and how partners influence each other’s well-being over time.
Difficult words
- narcissism — excessive focus on one's own importance
- longitudinal — studies that follow people over time
- admiration — behavior that shows strong approval or praise
- rivalry — competition or trying to be better than others
- satisfaction — feeling pleased when needs are met
- self-esteem — a person's feeling of self-worth
- agency — ability to act and make independent choices
Tip: hover, focus or tap highlighted words in the article to see quick definitions while you read or listen.
Discussion questions
- How could clinicians use the study's findings when advising couples about personality and relationships?
- Do you think an extended honeymoon period could hide relationship problems? Give reasons or examples.
- What other factors, besides narcissistic traits, might influence relationship satisfaction over time?
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